Heads Up, Madrid!

Donna and I took a lovely train out of Barcelona and into Madrid.  Since we are veryfancy™ we booked ourselves into the first class compartment.

More like first ass.  #AmIRight?

Obviously, we don't want to be with any of the riff-raff.  Of course, as I got up to get some snacks, I was treated with this nightmare sitting just a few rows away:

And so went all of my hopes for a restful, nap-filled train ride.  

I spent most of the 3+ Hours trying to figure out how that thing got on the train, and where it's luggage was.  (I assumed it was carrying a lot of murder weapons.  Because look at it.)

Anyway, once Donna and I ran screaming from the train station, we were stunned into silence by the sight of two big fat baby heads sitting there, as if that was ok.

Seriously.

I approached one cautiously to try and see what the crap was going on.  Unfortunately I may have gotten a little too close.

Luckily, I fought my way out of this predicament...

...and Donna and I were able to get to our AirBNB relatively quickly.  Too quickly, in fact, for the surly cab driver, who was clearly hoping for a destination more than six blocks away.  

For the record, we would have walked had we realized that the place was six blocks away...but baby heads were harassing us and we had to make a quick getaway.  So stop judging us.

After check in, our newest Spain in the Ass travel companion joined us fresh off his flight all the way from Taiwan: John!

John has a lot of energy...

And hadn't seen Donna in nearly four years...

...and for a while, Donna couldn't see anything, which was unfortunate, since she really wanted to explore Madrid.  Luckily there's a specialty store in Madrid for spare DonnaParts...

...so we were able to get her back up and running in no time.

Once everyone (except John) calmed down, we started wandering throughout the city, taking in the sights...

Too late!

...and, of course, tasting the local cuisine.  One of my favorite parts of traveling is exploring new, delicious fare that you just can't get anywhere else.

On the left is a Kit-Kat donut, with delightful chocolate inside...

...and on the right, a Chips Ahoy donut, with cookie crumbles on top.  #MadridFood

We also wanted to check out the safety precautions in the city, since I am in constant peril...

Now you can put out fires AND be terrifying all at once!

The evening ended with both Donna and John passing out early, and me wandering the streets of Madrid alone, heading to a bar.  This was the men's room door sign:

So obviously, I'm doing great!

How about you?

¡HOLA!

Hi!

Jeff here, about to embark on another international journey of drunken ridiculousness! This time, it's a family affair, with my sister Donna and some of her friends bouncing in and out of this mess of a trip.

Donna has been planning this trip for a million years, and I'm simply tagging along to observe, mock and drink about it.  Think of this as a blog-u-mentary.

(Except don't do that at all, because that's just dumb.)

As usual, naming the blog is just as big an adventure as the actual blog... often with just as much booze.

Anyway, there were a few early contenders, none of which had the pizzazz of Spain in the Ass.

Things like "Spain-cation" and "Spain-al Probe" just weren't cutting it, especially since we aren't just going to Spain--we're heading to Portugal as well!  But, as it turns out, Portugal isn't super-easy to incorporate into a clever or creative title, so we were left with things like this:

Not the catchiest of names.  Also, Portugal doesn't really lend itself to a lot of puns, either.  

Like...that literally makes no sense.  Of course, neither does this one, really...

But Donna does love horror, so it was worth a shot.  Also worth a shot:

But eventually, common sense prevailed, and we were left with Spain in the Ass.  The only discussion now:  How to visualize that.  

Growing up, our parents had a giant velvet painting of a matador hanging above the sofa in the living room.  Looking back at it as an adult, I'm struck by just how much man-ass there was in my every day life. I literally would stare at it for hours on end.  But that's a discussion best left for my therapist. 

Anyway, we briefly considered using it as part of the graphic:

But I wanted something a little more attention-grabbing...

...but my sister was SUPER not into this.  I'm not sure if it was the blood, or what.  Whatever.

Either way, I'm in Barcelona now.  And since Donna and her friend Val were stuck in the ongoing issue with British Airways' massive outage...

...it looks like I may get to nap!  Lame?  Maybe...but I've just spent 17 hours traveling.  So, screw off.  Also, did I mention Val was on the news?  

...because she was totally on the news.

As for me?  I'll be on the SNOOZE.

...or something.

Seriously.  So tired.

And they gave me champagne when I checked into the hotel.  I CAN'T HELP IT.  I'M DELIRIOUS.