Friday, September 30, 2016

The Highs and Lows of Lisbon (Or: Some Coke and a Smile!)

After wrapping up at the doll museum, I went to my attic-bedroom at our beautiful Air BNB…




....and while I was grateful to have my own space…

No Girls Allowed!


…with a view high above the city…


…the ceilings were maybe a little low.



After hitting my head more than once, I took a nice, long, four hour nap.

Although when I woke up and hit my head again, I wondered if perhaps it wasn’t so much a nap as it was a coma.

Either way, by the time I got up, it was well into the night, and John had arrived on his later flight, so  we decided to check out what the Lisbon gay scene has to offer.

As it turns out, the gay scene has cocaine to offer.

We were grabbing a bite on the way to the gayborhood™ when I noticed two seedy looking gentlemen hovering around outside. 

Naturally, I instantly fell in love with them.

They finally made eye contact and calmly, casually asked if we wanted cocaine. They were pretty brazen about it, so at that moment, I obviously thought I misheard them.  Surely they weren’t just asking us if we wanted cocaine!

I asked them to clarify.  Because why wouldn't I keep talking to the drug dealers in a strange land?

They did, in fact, offer us cocaine, which we politely declined.  Once we got to the bars, we discovered that this wasn't just a freak occurrence.  Here, we were offered cocaine more times than I’ve ever been offered it in my life.  Which wasn’t really that hard, I guess, considering I don’t think anyone’s ever offered me cocaine.  Ever.

So, thanks Lisbon, but I’d rather get my high the old-fashioned way…


…through copious amounts of sugar, courtesy of the POP CEREAL CAFÉ!



My breakfast there was fortified with vitamins, minerals and, of course, ice cream.




I had the #2, after they told me that the #5 might be a little too much for breakfast, what with the pudding in it and all.

My food was far tastier than the time I was five and my sister made me breakfast by pouring orange juice into my Cheerios, because we were out of milk.

These were not on the menu. 


Thanks, Donna.

Donna, the breakfast ruiner™

Anyway, the place was super delicious...




...and super awesome:












They opened up two months ago, and have clearly been expecting me...

...I'm right here.


And the best news of all?  It's part of your complete Portuguese breakfast!


All in all, it was one of my very favorite parts of Lisbon, which is saying something, since the city is filled with a lot of awesomeness.  


(Warning:  Photo Essay time...because Lisbon is cool!)


From the everyday homes that are adorned with tiles...


...to the businesses decked out in fun-ness...


...to the sidewalks...


...to the street art that adds to the vibe of the city...






...to the hate crimes...


...this city has it all!

 Every restaurant...



...every plate of food…




…and everyone bringing those plates of food….


 …is gorgeous.

And did I mention the drinks? 


Because those are also gorgeous...


...seriously.

It's a good thing we walked a million kilomiles™ a day while we were in Lisbon...


...because we ate...

...a lot.  Also worth noting:  These people love their ham...




...with good reason.  It's a goddamned delight.

It’s on everything…


…and in everything.


It's not like the shitass ham in America...


...no.  It's actual, delicious ham. And I love it.

Also, I'm in love with Vino Verde...


...aka: Green Wine.  Our waiter gave me that bottle for the price of a glass, because he was clearly trying to kill me.


Ass.

During our travels, we met up with some local tour guides...


...who pointed us in the direction of some castle ruins...





...which, for the record...



...was already ruined before we got there...




...although we clearly weren't helping the situation.


Lisbon was amazing...

What actually happened.

...although Donna was convinced it was a little too hot...

Donna's version of what was happening.

...although to be fair, it was a little hilly.


Also in Lisbon:  Donna's Swiss friends showed up for a minute...


...and were super cute...


...I'd tell you their names, but I hit my head one too many times in the attic, and things are a little fuzzy for me.

Also fuzzy for me is that somewhere during this time, we tragically lost Val.  

   
I'm not sure why she didn't want to play with us anymore...


...but she opted out right around this time.  


RIP, Val.
(Rest.  In.  Portugal.)
  

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